MTV Movie Awards: Coldplay and the Pussycat Dolls were ready to sell

There were two main musical performances at the 2008 MTV Movie Awards -- a pair of artists from opposite ends of the spectrum, and neither having much to do with the past year in cinema. Coldplay represents one of the biggest, most-respected rock bands in the world, and Robin Antin's creation the Pussycat Dolls are a celebration of branding, the band as an excuse to open burlesque clubs and launch lingerie lines.

But both have products to sell -- the Pussycat Dolls exist solely to sell product -- and that's really all that matters. Indeed, the MTV Movie Awards would be a better fit for the Home Shopping Network. The entire 120 minutes felt like a telethon-like plea to move movie tickets ("Hancock!" "The Foot Fist Way!" "Step Brothers!" "Sex and the City!" "The Love Guru!" ) and -- what the heck -- how about an album or two.

In fact, it was nearly impossible to distinguish between the paid advertisements and the MTV show itself. This may have been the first major live performance of Coldplay's new single "Viva La Vida," but the song already felt like old news. Perhaps that's because not less than 60 seconds after Coldplay played its last note, cut to a commercial break with an Apple advertisement for the same tune aired on the cable channel -- one that was broadcast a few more times before the telecast came to an end.

But thankfully, the Web and DVRs have allowed us to pick and choose which commercials we're subjected to. So were the performances from Coldplay and the Pussycat Dolls worthy of a Monday morning Internet stream?

Coldplay, "Viva La Vida:" Giving stuff away for free apparently comes with a price. Coldplay took a page from Radiohead and Nine Inch Nails when it freely offered fans its new single, "Violet Hill," and will play free shows in London and New York. But unlike the other two acts, Coldplay remains entrenched in the major label system, and thus subject to major label promotional efforts, such as performing at self-congratulatory MTV shows and licensing songs to video games.

"Viva La Vida" is the second song to emerge from forthcoming album "Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends" (June 17), an album that The Sun's Gordon Smart's wrote is "as heavy-going as the Bible but as ultimately as rewarding." But the majesty that is Coldplay couldn't prevent a plague like the massive fire Sunday morning at Universal Studios -- the site of the awards -- and the world appeared unchanged when lead singer Chris Martin sat at the end of the stage to herald the end of the song.

But all told, Coldplay handled itself quite well Sunday night, giving a relatively stripped down performance of a rather ornate song. Martin began at the keyboard, but soon drifted from his bandmates -- mainly the booming, irresistible tom-tom drumming of Will Champion. With his hands in the air, Martin swayed to the song's swift-moving strings, turning the song into the arena-charmer it is destined to be.

And give Coldplay for credit for keeping things relatively simple. The orchestral accompaniments were seen only on a backing screen and appeared looped. The band resisted the traditional overblown award show trappings, and instead showed the power of an understated guitar riff and a well-timed church bell.

Procrastination verdict: Worthy of a YouTube stream

Pussycat Dolls' "When I Grow Up":  Appearing onstage looking like they had escaped a taping for a sexed-up Jazzercise video, the Pussycat Dolls were at the MTV Movie Awards to perform their paean to movies and fame, 'When I Grow Up." It's the first single from the act's upcoming album, which is tipped to be out in August. The song is essentially a showcase for top cat, as the singer takes lead on the verses while surrounded by a backing swirl of "la-la-la's."

The act's debut, "PCD," generated a wealth of hot club singles, including "Buttons" and "Don't Cha," and in terms of pure shake-ability, "When I Grow Up" definitely sounds good when pumped up on the dance floor. At the MTV Movie Awards, the five PG-13 Pussycats Dolls dancers were a silly diversion, the girls' expert choreography making a final-verse appearance from the top "dance crew" the JabbaWockeeZ seem like a mere annoyance.

But Scherzinger never really took command of the song, only asserting herself in the cut's final seconds when she turned her vocals up to a growl. To be fair, Scherzinger had a thankless task, and needs to be commended for not stumbling over lyrics that have her wishing for "boobies." Apparently "When I Grow Up" was written by a 13 year-old boy.

Yet like the MTV Movie Awards itself, "When I Grow Up" is a throwaway salute to money, fame, expensive cars and every bit of excess that comes with being a Hollywood star. When the song ends with a bit of forewarning, telling listeners to be "careful what they wish for," no one really believes it, as the whole evening was about little more than masquerading shameless shilling as fun.

Procrastination verdict: The above picture should suffice.

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Coldplay photo courtesy AP

Pussycat Dolls photo courtesy Getty Images